Looking Back

In recovery we often hear about the importance of looking forward, focusing on the future. For the most part I think that is very important to success. I do think however, that there is much to be gained from occasionally looking back. Not to focus on past negatives, but to see how far we've come.

Today is my one year anniversary of clean living. It is also the one year anniversary of one of the darkest periods in my life. Much has changed, but sometimes I wonder if they have changed as much as I would like, or as much as I have hoped. As I think about how far I have come. I can't help but be grateful. It is so easy to focus on the negative and the broken, despite having a life full of so much that is good. I am reminded of a quote from Abraham Lincoln on this subject;

"We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses."
— Abraham Lincoln

It is such a simple concept, but one I am not very good at. Seeing the good in things, in situations, in circumstances, even in myself.

When I look back at a year ago, it is easy to see how far I have come. For the first time in over 3 years of recovery I have been engaged in working the steps. I hear people in 12 step meetings ask all the time how people do it. In my SA meeting, when you reach a sobriety milestone, after your chip is awarded they will ask you to talk a little about how you have done it.

I have thought about that quite a bit as I approach this milestone. I think the simple answer is; I actually work the steps. That's not to say I didn't before and that certainly doesn't mean I am perfect at it now. That isn't to say I never had success before either. Heck, I even had a one year period of sobriety once before. But I wasn't really engaged. I was going through the motions. I had to look in the mirror and own the reality that despite 3 years of attending recovery meetings I was still working on Steps 4 and 5. It might have been more accurate to say that I was pretending to work Steps 4 and 5. I started over on Step 1 after my last slip and I am now finishing up Step 9. I had actually set a goal to finish the 12 steps in one year and I am not going to achieve that, but I feel good about that. I was ready to wrap up Step 9 but I realized there were still a couple people to think about and pray about.

There is a saying in AA and SA circles that;

It works if you work it, so work it, you're worth it.

It's the simple truth. It works if I work it.

Thanks for listening.

Here is to many more years of recovery!