Journal: Stressbomb!

It has been a hectic 10 days. This is one of the most stressful weeks of the year for me at work. I manage the backroom and inventory for a large retail store and yesterday was our annual inventory audit. This audit is a huge part of what my company pays me for. Overall I felt like we were fairly well prepared but being that it is an annual event and the bonuses and job security of my boss can depend on the results, it is still pretty stressful. I ended up working long days leading up, including working on my day off. Sleep was harder and harder to come by

Stress is typically not a huge trigger for me, I actually tend to struggle more when I am bored and listless than when I am super busy. Because of this, I sometimes fail to recognize when I am in its grasp. It happens slowly, its not like I woke up one morning and was under unbearable stress. It comes on little by little, poking and prodding at defenses and routines until it nestles its way in. Dailies become lackluster, prayers become quick and repetitive and reaching out to support becomes less and less frequent. The scriptures teach us well that it is by small and simple things that great things come to pass, but it is important to remember that it is also through small and simple means that great things are undone.

One thing that kept me sane was my support system. I had my regularly scheduled meeting with my Bishop on Tuesday and it was actually in his office that I came to the realization, that yes, I am really dealing with some stress right now. It made me grateful for routines because if I had not had a regularly scheduled appointment, I am confident that I would not have gone in.

The other thing that keeps me sane is the texts and support from my friends in recovery. I am typically pretty good about reaching out, so when I slack off, they recognize it. I got some wonderful messages of support this week to help keep me from falling completely off course.

There is so much to be grateful for. After this weekend, life slows down again somewhat and I am actually on paid vacation at both my jobs next week. I really don't have much planned. Sidreis is going to Idaho so I get to relax at home with the kids and just breathe. I am also really excited for General Conference in about 10 days. It will be the perfect way to replenish the oil in my lamp and keep me going.

Most of all I am grateful that I am not alone. I am reminded of a quote I ran across from President Monson given at General Conference back in 1987;

"It is imperative that we recognize that whatever has happened to us has happened to others. They have coped and so must we. We are not alone. Heavenly Father's help is near."

There is always help at hand.