Journal: The Holiday whirlwind and a recommitment.

It feels like the last 3 weeks have flown by with record speed. Between the holidays, and working 2 different jobs in retail plus getting ready for some possible life changes, I have struggled at times to catch my breath. My recovery efforts have definitely suffered. That is not to say that I have fallen off the wagon or slipped, but I could definitely be doing more than I have. Christmas was wonderful and it has been great to spend some time with my family but it is time to get back to work.

Things haven't been all bad, though. I am progressing well with Step 9 and have had some wonderful opportunities to apologize and make amends for past mistakes. From a distance, Step 9 always seemed horrifying, but after working the prior steps to prepare for the process, things have gone well. It is freeing to be able to just say; "Hey, I'm really sorry for the way I treated you, it was wrong and I recognize that." Due to the fact that I have been open about my recovery story and process, the vast majority of my friends and family know that I am working a 12 Step program, but I have tried hard to not use that as a crutch when making amends. It has made the conversations a lot easier, though. Just one more plug for openness making the entire process simpler once I broke down the barrier of fear and shame.

Ultimately though, I know that if I don't get back on track, I will start to plateau. Recovery is a program of action and it just doesn't work to stand still. Eventually if I am not moving forward, I will start to move backwards. So I am here today to be accountable, and to recommit to doing all the little things that I need to do. One of those things is using this space to be open and honest about my efforts. Both when things are good, and when they aren't.

So I am committing to blog more, to share more, to connect more and to get back into the healthy routines that have helped me move forward in the past.

I am looking forward to 2014. 2013 was filled with growth and pain, but there is something extremely exciting about a new year, a sober year, one day at a time.

~~~ Tim