Learning From Past Mistakes to Overcome Current Trials

So it has been a whirlwind few months. Life has been mostly good but also challenging. I was recently promoted at work and told I would be re-locating which led to my family and I breaking the lease on our current place and giving notice in preparation to move to the new area. Then, 2 weeks before we were to vacate our place, I received word that things had changed. I would still be getting the promotion but they weren't sure yet what location I would end up at. Just to continue with my training program until August and things would work out.

That was fine, other than the fact that we had to move out in 2 weeks and now didn't know the destination where we would need to try to find a new home. Ultimately my wife ended up going north to spend some time with her Mom and I ended up at my parents by myself. All my routines were thrown out the window. It has been quite a trial being separated from my family and not having my own space.

So I have been here about 10 days now and I had been doing okay. Not great but okay. Then yesterday I ran into some temptations that were bigger than me and I ended up slipping. It sucks really bad. The worst part is I look back and see so many things I could have done to prevent it. I have wavered between emotional mess and extremely angry since it happened but then woke up at 5 AM this morning with a great deal of clarity.

My history of addiction is to hide, hide, hide. I was never willing to be humble in the moment and say, "I screwed up and I'm sorry". I was always too prideful, too embarrassed and too afraid. So in the aftermath of the slip I felt those feelings begin to creep in. My wife is out of town, I won't see her for a few weeks. It was built in avoidance and concealment. I also don't really have a Bishop right now. We made arrangements to leave our records in our last ward until we move but I am not currently living there so its not like I am seeing that Bishop all the time. I could feel the little wheels turning in my head as Satan tried to guide me further down the path of no return.

But I can't. I won't go there again. I may be a slow learner but I do learn. Hiding slips and allowing them to become relapses and strings of lies only makes little problems into massive ones. A slip-up means I'm human, hiding and running from it would only mean that I am stupid. So here I am. I am battered but not broken. I draw much strength from the wisdom of President Uchtdorf from his talk Four Titles, given in April 2013;

"I believe in a Heavenly Father who is loving and caring and who rejoices in our every effort to stand tall and walk toward Him. Even when we stumble, He urges us not to be discouraged—never to give up or flee our allotted field of service—but to take courage, find our faith, and keep trying."

I draw great strength and hope from knowing that my Father in Heaven never asked me to be perfect. He only asked me to to be honest and keep trying. The best part is that thanks to my previous efforts and trials, I know exactly what I need to do. Trials are hard, they cause pain and anguish and can often derail us. But they also prepare us for the future. I have been down the wrong road enough times to know what lies at the end of it. I have often been one that has to learn the hard way, but I am very grateful for those experiences because they have prepared me for this moment. I know what road I need to take. And for that I am truly grateful.

~~~ Humbly yours

Tim