Part of that funk has been avoiding the blogs. I haven't written on mine much and I haven't read much of what anyone else had to say either. I recognize the benefit from sharing and connecting with others, its just so easy to get out of the habit of doing it. So just being here writing is part of a conscious effort to get outside my box and reach out and extend myself a little bit.
One other thing that contributed to my funk is running out of conference talks. I know that sounds crazy but I listen to 2-3 talks a day sometimes so I burned through the recent conference pretty quickly. I have read or listened to every single talk at least once and have read most of my favorites 2-3 times. So some days I find myself sitting there spending 15+ minutes just scrolling through the list looking for a talk to read.
On Saturday I happened across a talk by President Uchtdorf that really kind of opened my eyes a little and help me see the light through the fog. The solution, as it tends to be with gospel concepts, was much simpler than I expected it to be.
The talk was given in 2009 and is called The Love of God. There was one particular aspect that really spoke to me. It really gave me some motivation to start to move forward, or at least increase my speed a little bit;
My dear brothers and sisters, don’t get discouraged if you stumble at
times. Don’t feel downcast or despair if you don’t feel worthy to be a
disciple of Christ at all times. The first step to walking in
righteousness is simply to try. We must try
to believe. Try to learn of God: read the scriptures; study the words
of His latter-day prophets; choose to listen to the Father, and do the
things He asks of us. Try and keep on trying until that which seems
difficult becomes possible—and that which seems only possible becomes
habit and a real part of you.
As I read this I started to understand. Everyone has bad days, bad weeks, struggles and trials. It is part of life. The fact that I have been in a funk doesn't mean that I have failed or that I am a bad person. In fact, recognizing that I have been in a funk is actually a sign that I don't want to be here. For so many years I just embraced the funk and sunk slowly into the darkness.
I especially love the line that I underlined above. Sometimes the answer is just to try. To stop sitting in the crap and try. It doesn't have to be anything earth-shattering or amazing, it just takes effort. Little by little. Step by step, moving forward.
I am reminded of a quote I read recently;
“It doesn’t matter how slowly you go-so long as you do not stop.”-Confucius
Recovery and life is a long process. Sometimes I am capable of moving very quickly, taking large steps and bounds down the path, other times it is all I can do to lift my feet off the ground, but what really matters is if I am trying. It isn't a race, I just have to keep moving!
I am committing to move forward. I am also committing to check back in before the end of this week with an update on how I am doing. Connection is power my friends!
Thanks for listening
You amaze me everyday:-)
ReplyDeleteSeriously awesome thoughts here. I especially loved this: " In fact, recognizing that I have been in a funk is actually a sign that I don't want to be here. For so many years I just embraced the funk and sunk slowly into the darkness." Thank you for that. I did that for many years as well, and now, although I do sink into the darkness once in a while, for the most part I'd say that I recognize it and much of the time I do make a difficult and conscious effort to do something about it, to try. Just a little bit. I really appreciated this reminder that my 'try' doesn't need to be anything huge. Looking forward to seeing another blog post this week!
ReplyDeleteSometimes I feel like funk should be my middle name, and not because I'm a gangster or something. Funks seem to occur so often and last for so long with little relief in between at times. I think so often that there is a reason I'm in a funk or I'm doing something wrong, but often it's that I'm doing something right and it's just time to push through another difficult time.
ReplyDeleteTim, How do you listen to talks? (besides with your ears of course...) Do you download on to an mp3 player?? For being a 28 year old college grad, I am super low tech. No smart phone nor ipod thingy. Do you downloaded them on to discs??
ReplyDeleteI'm liking this idea of conference talks. and amen about the funk. I've been in one for the past month as well.
I have a smart phone and so I am able to stream them with the Gospel Library ap on my phone. I have filters in place to keep my phone as safe as possible. I still have to be careful but being able to pull it out and listen to a Conference talk or read the Scriptures no matter the location has been a huge part of my dailies.
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