Learning to Balance the Blessings of Agency with the Pain of Consequences

There is a comedy movie that I used to quite enjoy.  It probably wasn't the most appropriate film so I won't list the name although it is "only" rated PG-13.  In the film there is a character that is forever down on his luck and consequently turns to his many addictions and vices to numb the pain.  He is an alcoholic, a scam artist and a swindler.  Over the course of the film he takes up with an innocent young man who was raised very devout Amish.  Throughout their travels together they get into many shenanigans and do many things that are contrary to the Amish man's beliefs.  Towards the end of the film the addict is called on the carpet for his behavior.  I will never forget his response for as long as I live.  "Don't you know what the Bible says about forgiving people".  "Well it's against it."  In his mind, his friend was a good person who believed in the Bible and in the Savior and thus was obligated to forgive him.

For a very large portion of my life that was my attitude about forgiveness towards those that I hold dearest.  My friends, my family, my wife.  They are good people, they understand that I am an addict, they believe in the Atonement, so they will forgive me and move on.  They are practically obligated to....  Right?

Oh how wrong I was.  I was overlooking half of the equation.  Agency is a gift.  It is the most important thing that was ever debated in the Heavens and led to the War in Heaven.  It was the reason that Satan was eventually cast out of Heaven along with many of our spiritual brothers and sisters.  But agency isn't just the right to choose.  It is also the right to reap the rewards, or consequences and pain, of the decisions we have been given the power to make.

In his beautiful message; The Three R's of Choice, President Thomas S. Monson had this to say about the results of our choices;

Finally...I speak of the results of choice. All of our choices have consequences, some of which have little or nothing to do with our eternal salvation and others of which have everything to do with it.

Whether you wear a green T-shirt or a blue one makes no difference in the long run. However, whether you decide to push a key on your computer which will take you to pornography can make all the difference in your life. You will have just taken a step off the straight, safe path. If a friend pressures you to drink alcohol or to try drugs and you succumb to the pressure, you are taking a detour from which you may not return.

Every choice I make has consequences.  Some of them lead to eternal joy and others lead to much pain and sorrow, both for me and those that I hold dearest.  When faced with the pain and suffering of those consequences there is a natural human tendency to want to avoid it.  It is then that I fall on my knees and beg my Heavenly Father to take away the pain and make it better.

Elder Robert S. Wood of the Seventy described this process in a talk from the Ensign in 2002;

Perhaps the symbolic nature of the second temptation is the least apparent of the three. But on reflection, this temptation points to a tendency to which we all are subject—the tendency to desire some miraculous delivery from the consequences of our actions; to be borne up, if you will, by angels or divine providence, with little effort on our part.

It is a human tendency but is it a helpful one?  Probably not.  While the Savior is ALWAYS there to sustain me and support me and while he always understands the pain I am feeling, taking it away entirely doesn't help me grow.  Elder Wood continues in his message;

Today many people manifest the desire for such a rescue in small and large ways: the student who, having failed to study during the term, prays for assistance in an examination; the teacher who opens a lesson by saying that, having made no preparations, he or she intends to rely on the Spirit; the individual who, having abused his or her body through lack of exercise and violation of the Lord’s law of health, expects to be delivered, sometimes through priesthood administration, from the ravages of self-induced ill health; the drunken or reckless driver who prays for a “second chance”; the individual who, having violated the commands of God or rules of society, expects mercy to utterly suppress the requirements of justice.

The psychologist Erich Fromm called the wish to escape the consequences of one’s actions a desire to escape from freedom. For being free requires being responsible. The very word freedom connotes the ability to judge rationally between alternatives and the willingness to accept the consequences of one’s decisions.

Of course addiction complicates this process because it deprives me of the very ability to make decisions with a sound mind.  M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the 12 describes this loss of agency to addiction;

The battle over man’s God-given agency continues today. Satan and his minions have their lures all around us, hoping that we will falter and take his flies so he can reel us in with counterfeit means. He uses addiction to steal away agency. According to the dictionary, addiction of any kind means to surrender to something, thus relinquishing agency and becoming dependent on some life-destroying substance or behavior.

Thus while living in addiction the ability to make sound choices is seriously compromised, but the requirements of justice, the painful consequences, are still in place.

Free agency is a divine gift.  It is one that can bring ultimate joy and Eternal Life.  But it can also bring pain and loss.  Fortunately we know that even when things are worst, there is always hope.  The Savior is always there, no matter how much suffering and pain exists, as long as I, or anyone else who has suffered or will suffer, will turn to him and reach out their hand.

President Monson explains this hope for true healing;

We have all made incorrect choices. If we have not already corrected such choices, I assure you that there is a way to do so. The process is called repentance. I plead with you to correct your mistakes. Our Savior died to provide you and me that blessed gift. Although the path is not easy, the promise is real: “Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.” “And I, the Lord, remember them no more.”

What a blessing.  To know that not only can all addicts, including me, be healed of the mistakes and carnage we have created, but the sins can be made white as snow and the Lord will remember them no more.  As for friends, family and loved ones that I have wronged along the way.  I have always found hope from a passage in the LDS ARP manual towards the end of Step 9.  It was shared with me by one of the Missionaries in my group after my last major relapse and it continues to give me hope today;

In taking step 9, you must avoid becoming discouraged if others do not receive your apologies well or if they do not believe you have really changed. Making amends may take time and patience. Give others time to realize that this time is different. This time you are not making empty promises; you are living to receive a complete remission of your addiction and character weaknesses. Eventually, abstinence and changed behavior will speak for themselves.

It is my hope and my prayer that I can better understand the blessing that is agency.  That I can use it in my life.  That I can recognize that living in addiction significantly impacts my ability to make good choices but still requires me to pay the price for those mistakes.  Agency is a gift, but only if I am fully willing to accept the consequences of the choices I make, both good and bad.