So I just returned home from a business trip to Vegas. A fairly scary place to spend time for someone who struggles with things of a sexual nature as I do. I was nervous going in but also somewhat serene because I made the same trip last year and knew that while still in Las Vegas, my company plans the trip at a stand alone resort far from the Strip and the seedier side of the area.
It is still Las Vegas though so I knew going in that diligence would be required. The trip also coincided with my 4 month sobriety date and I am also very aware that recovery milestones can be triggers and pitfalls. So prior to leaving I made arrangements to check in periodically with my support system and my family.
The trip ended up being super busy and I was almost never alone. Avoiding isolation is a huge way for me to stay safe and being with other healthy friends as much as possible was a big part of my safety plan for the trip.
Ultimately things ended up going well. I was triggered at times but by staying connected to others and remembering the Lord I was able to stay safe. On my last day though I made some pretty significant breakthroughs. I used to really enjoy casinos. I loved to sit down and gamble and watch games at the Sportsbook and wander around the Strip. I soaked it in. On this trip though I noticed more and more how sad the casino floor is. Elderly people pushing electric wheelchairs and oxygen machines around the casino floor. Completely oblivious to the world around them. At one point I sent a text to my wife saying "please never let me become one of these sad, lonely seniors that spends 12-14 hours a day in a smoke filled casino." It was a joke but sadly I experienced many such individuals.
The other thing I noticed was that my cell phone reception was awful in the casino but the moment I walked out to the front sidewalk it was crystal clear coverage for both calls and data. I have no idea if this is due to all the equipment on the casino floor or it it is intentional on the part of the casinos. Either way the results are the same. The pull of the slot machines is much harder to resist when calls, texts and emails from family and friends don't reach you. It is compete and utter isolation almost the moment you enter.
I thought about how hard it is to overcome triggers and temptations when I am isolated and a light bulb went on. Addiction is addiction. Many of the folks inside are completely entranced by the gambling. Their lives have become unmanageable. The moment they made the choice to enter the casino and cross that threshold they were entering a danger zone and were almost totally isolated. It was much the same as when I knowingly put myself in harms way. I knew what I was doing, I knew the likely consequences but I entered through the door anyway. And much like the bright lights of a Vegas casino can suck in a gambler, I found myself lost.
Addiction can lose any of us when we isolate and consciously put ourselves in places where isolation and triggers are bound to occur. It is easy to get lost. I have gone down that rabbit hole many times. But much like those people in the casino started out by willingly entering the casino floor, with every one of my slips and relapses I willingly took a path that I knew would end in isolation and harm's way. I had a choice. I had agency. I had to choose between isolation and connection. Sometimes I chose poorly. Fortunately I was also blessed with a Savior who not only helps me overcome those poor choices but also helps me learn and grow from those mistakes. It leads to progress. It leads to hope.
Even in Las Vegas there is hope, I just have to be willing to look for it. To look for Him. He is always there.
Thank you! Very great insights. I think addiction is like an individual casino. We deliberately close others out to indulge in our addictions. :)
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