Switch Hitting: My Struggles with Food

So I need to get some things out into the open.  For the last 3-4 months I have been doing awesome in regards to my battle with lust.  Things have been open and true and honest.  I have attended meetings and many other uplifting activities to help me in my efforts and there have been many brave and valiant brothers who have supported me on my journey.  Part of the reason that I have done so well is because I haven't tried to do it on my own.  I have reached out for support daily.  To the Lord, to my Heavenly Father and to many others in recovery.  It is a tried and true method.

But sadly, lust is not my only struggle in life.  I am also very much a food addict.  I have battled weight gain and unhealthy eating habits my entire life.  When I was younger, I was active enough in tennis and baseball that any pounds I put on in the winter were quickly removed in the summer months.  As life sped up and kids, family and 2 jobs entered the picture, bad habits because my norm and my weight ballooned.  I turned to food to numb my pain and my world much as I did with lust.  At times I even used it as a substitute for lust.  Upon looking back I have realized that as times when I would gain some sobriety from lust I would often find myself binge eating.  Breakfast would be an entire box of raspberry jelly donuts and my breaks at work would often consist of multiple candy bars and a large soda.  It became my substitute drug of choice on a regular basis.

So a few months back upon recognizing my struggles with food and lust often went hand in hand and also getting a bit of a wake-up call when my Dad had some serious health struggles that were exacerbated but his struggles with weight, I decided it was time to not just really try to get clean from lust but to also live a healthier life in general.

Overall things have gone well.  Since Thanksgiving Day I have lost over 40 pounds.  I have completely eliminated soda pop from my diet and I have started tracking everything I eat.  I have also tried to become more active.  I started walking.  I played tennis for the first time in 15 years.  I bought a bike and starting riding.  It has been wonderful and it feels good. 

But the last week or so the temptation to binge eat has re-appeared with a vengeance.  I find myself lingering at the bakery at work trying to think of an excuse to take home a cake, or convincing myself it is the right thing to do to try out our new themed donuts so I can tell customers how wonderful they have.  As of yet I have maintain my healthier habits.  My foot has been hurting and the weather poor so I haven't walked as much but I have gone on bike rides 2 of the last 3 days.  I am still tracking my calories.  But I realized that I need to start being more open about my struggles with food.  I don't hesitate to call in re-enforcements when I am struggling with lust so why is it so hard to openly admit that I am tempted to binge on food.  It shouldn't be.  I don't want it to be anymore. 

The other day I reached inside myself and found the humility and strength to open up to a few in my support system about my struggles.  I gave up the secret.  I shed light on the darkness.  And you know what?  Just as reaching out for support gives strength and hope in regards to my struggles with lust, asking for support and sharing with others was just as powerful when applied to my struggles with food.  The responses were nothing but love and care and concern.  No one mocked me and laughed or said being overweight won't keep you from the temple.  They understood.  They responded with love.  It was a powerful lesson and more importantly it got me outside myself.

Life just works better when I am open and vulnerable.  Not just about lust.  Not just about my struggles.  But about everything.  That is where true connection occurs.  When I can just pull back the curtains and say; "This is me.  This is who I REALLY am", and trust the rest for God.  He will always get me the support I need in those moments.

I am committing to be more open and vulnerable.  Not just about my lust addiction but with all my struggles.  I am committing to talk to people.  To share my ups, downs and in-betweens.  I am committing to be real.  I know it will work.  I know that the more open, honest and real I am, the better my relationships with be.  The better I will be. 

God is good.  He wants me to be happy.  He is showing me the way.