I really don't have a lot to say today. Things are really going pretty well. The last week has given me so many opportunities to choose gratitude and see the Lord's hand in my life. I was able to give my son a Priesthood Blessing when he was sick. That was a wonderful experience. I could feel the Spirit as I laid my hands on his head and I truly knew that I was able to assist the Lord in blessing my son. Then on Sunday I was able to sit and peacefully partake of the Sacrament and feel the Atonement wash over me. I kind of built it up in my mind going in. That it was going to be this incredible, powerful spiritual experience and the Spirit and the Atonement were going to envelop me and I was going to weep with joy and everyone in the room was going to bear witness of how worthy I was. But it was actually quite simple and peaceful. I just sat there silently, head bowed and expressing gratitude to my Savior for making it be possible for me to be worthy and feel worthy and know that it was what I should be doing.
Later I had the opportunity to bear witness and share my testimony of the Atonement. Then shortly after I sat down I was listening to a young sister bear her testimony. It was short and very humble. She shared how not too long ago she didn't know that she was a daughter of God, that she didn't believe she was known to Him. But she shared briefly her journey and how she had come to know that she is a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father. And it was then, in hearing and feeling her humble testimony that the Spirit flowed over me and the peace truly set in. I was so grateful to her for sharing her journey. It was through her powerful witness and humility that I was able to find the peace that I had hoped for. It was a powerful example to me of how the Lord often works through others to bless us when we are doing our best to seek after Him.
Things have also been amazing lately between my wife and I. That doesn't mean things are 'fixed' or that I don't wonder sometimes if we are days, weeks or months away from some of the emotional and physical boundaries loosening up. I'm human and so I do think about it at times. But I no longer obsess. I know that I am doing the things that I need to be doing and if that continues then progress will also continue. I don't know what that will look like. If it will be little by little or day by day, or if eventually an emotional dam will burst entirely. But it honestly doesn't matter. Because today we spent some amazing time together, we were connected on many levels and we both acknowledged and appreciated that. I choose to be grateful for what I have today.
I have been doing a daily check-in with a group of recovery friends and the message I sent today was "Today I am choosing to be grateful, I am choosing to trust the Lord and I know that with His help, today can be wonderful." I really believe that.
I forget sometimes how vital a role righteous agency plays in our lives. If I choose something righteous and choose to include the Lord in that process, He will bless me. The Lord wants us to use our agency. That is why it is so vital a gift. I think at times in my life I have waited for some sign or Heavenly appearance for the Lord to let me know when the time or circumstances or situation was right. But all He really wanted was for me to righteously exercise my agency, to make a choice and work for it, to fight for it and when I am willing to do that, then the witness comes, then the blessings come. I have to choose happiness. I have to choose gratitude. And when I choose those righteous endeavors, when I am willing to fight for them and make them a priority in my life, He will always support me.
God is good. He loves me. I am His son. I am worthwhile. I am valued. I am true.
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