Journal: Routines, Isolation and Grace

There have been so many thoughts bouncing around in my head these past couple days that it is tough to come up with something to write about.  It has been a rough few days.  My family is out of town and I have had to spend quite a bit of time on my own.  I have learned how much I have come to rely on my routines.  Under normal circumstances I arrive to work between 4 and 5 AM so that I am home in time to pick up our youngest son from daycare.  Those first 2 hours of my morning have been my solace.  I listen to conference talks while I work and it really gets my day off to a great start.  Well this week there is no motivation to get out of bed early.  I have no obligations after work so it is so easy to hit snooze on that alarm and come into work later.  This leads to my mornings being rushed, my dailies being shortened or moved back to the evening and I am definitely noticing the difference.

My sleep schedule is also out of whack.  Our normal evening routine is to read scriptures as a family after dinner, then watch TV and work on homework for a couple hours and then around 8:30 we usher everyone to bed and then we relax and get ready for bed ourselves.  This helps me wind down and gets me to sleep at a decent hour.  Well without all those obligations of getting kids to bed and such I am struggling to get into a normal sleep schedule.  Being tired is not a healthy place for an addict to be.

The one thing keeping me sane has been the amazing response I have received from many of my sponsors and support group.  I have been getting and receiving numerous texts everyday and that keeps me grounded.  Knowing that people are out there thinking of me, praying for me and rooting for me.  It is a wonderful reminder that I am not alone in this journey.  Even if I have to spend a few days alone physically, I am not alone in spirit.

I am also very grateful for a wonderful talk that was given in our Easter Sacrament meeting this past Sunday.  It was on the enabling power of the Atonement and the Grace that comes to all of us through our Savior.  The speaker talked about how there are things in our lives that we simply cannot do on our own.  We lack the strength and the knowledge.  That is where the Grace from the Atonement comes in to lift us up to places we could never go on our own.  The Sister that spoke also shared numerous excerpts from a wonderful talk by Brother Brad Wilcox called His Grace Is Sufficient.  It has fast become one of my favorite resources for understanding how to access the power of the Atonement in my life.  Her message was a wonderful reminder that help is available, I do not have to fight this battle alone. 

The other good news is that yesterday marked 8 weeks of recovery and clean living.  It seems like just yesterday my life was crumbling around me but through the help of my Savior and many prayers from family members and friends, he is slowly teaching me how to put my life back together.  I am forever grateful for his support and know that I could NEVER do it alone.

~~~ Tim