Spending a Saturday at UCAP

So I had the amazing opportunity this past Saturday to spend the day at the annual Utah Coalition Against Pornography event in Salt Lake City, Utah. It was an incredibly humbling experience. There were numerous speakers and events and workshops. There were booths representing exploitation of women and children, therapists who treat those that struggle with sexual addiction. Authors that have written about the topic. Numerous different 12 step and other recovery programs. Programs to support spouses and family members of addicts. It was an incredible site to behold.

I spent the day working at one of the booths and I got to spend my entire day talking about recovery. Talking about how important resources, and education and seeking new knowledge is to sustained recovery. But most of all I spent an entire day talking about sexual and pornography addiction with like-minded people. With people seeking truth and knowledge and hope for their families, for themselves. On more than one occasion as I watched people flow into the main concourse as the sessions would let out and everyone would be sharing the same space for a period of time and I would think to myself, "All of these people are here today because they get it. They get how bad the problem is and they either want to get help for themselves or want to help others get help" How amazing is that? Whether addicts, therapists, life coaches, church leaders or families members who have suffered as as result of the actions of another. All of them were there giving up their Saturday because they wanted to learn more and support those who suffer.

Another amazing experience for me personally is I got the chance to meet many of my wife's friends and colleagues from the recovery world. I learned that she is a very well-known in these circles. On more than one occasion I heard people yell out at her from across the room and up and hug her. Twice people ran up and called me by name and asked where my wife was and I had no idea who they were. But they knew me and knew who my wife was. I was grateful to see that so many people have seen how special she is and that she has touched them. And the coolest part is as I got the change to meet and interact with many of these folks, there was no trepidation or fear. I recognize that some of them might be people that she has confided in, that know my deepest darkest secrets. But I felt no shame. I was just happy to be there helping and trying to share a little of what I have gained through my recovery with others. I can't imagine having done that 2-3 years ago. I would have been terrified. I would have been paralyzed by the fear that "some of these people might KNOW about me." But I wasn't, and that was a pretty awesome and freeing feeling.

Throughout the day I found myself having the same conversation over and over again with friends and Church leaders. "What more can we do about this growing problem?" And time and time again the answer that came to me was the same. We need more days like this. We need more events like UCAP. We need more people who are willing to talk about it. More people willing to stand up and say "I am an addict and I'm trying to get better and here is my story." More people willing to say; "I am the spouse or parent of an addict and my world was torn apart through no fault of my own but I am trying to heal and here is my story." We need more people who are willing to talk about it. In AA and SA there is a slogan that "we are only as sick as our secrets." And if UCAP taught me anything it's that we have to stop being afraid of our secrets. I've had people write me and tell me how much my story has touched them and it's so humbling to hear. But imagine if there were hundreds or thousands more out there willing to be open and share. It's scary, but breaking through fear is incredibly liberating after living a life of isolation for 30 years.

We have to be willing to talk to our families, our kids, our neighbors.

We have to be willing to talk about it, for that is how we can heal.