I decided to make a list of some things I am doing differently this time that I think are making a difference to help give me perspective. This is mostly for me, as a reminder down the road of things that worked for me, but perhaps some of these will work for others as well.
- I now pray every morning - I have never been good at morning prayer. I get up between 4 and 5 every day but Sunday and its hard. Dropping to my knees to pray is often the last thing on my mind.
- I do my best to avoid "touching gray". Click the link to see a great post my wife wrote on this subject. For much of my life I had convinced myself that I could watch the borderline TV shows, movies and media content as long as I "looked away" or fast forwarded when the inappropriate content reared it's head. We used to enjoy watching The Walking Dead but we stopped recently because the violent content drained the Spirit. I was also a big fan of How I Met Your Mother and It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. I no longer watch either. I'm not saying this is for everyone but they aren't for me. At least not right now.
- I put a filter on my phone. This one seems obvious, but I fought it for years. We have a WiFi filter that works to some extent but it isn't foolproof and I had always avoided having a filter on my phone because it was an inconvenience. I hated that the filter made everything slower, made searching harder and generally was a nuisance.
- I reach out SOOOOO much more. I text multiple people every day. I not only seek support when struggling but I do my best to offer support to others. Heaven knows I don't have all the answers but I offer what I can and pray that it helps.
- I now only listen almost exclusively to Christian Radio and I actually enjoy it. It's still a little bit weird, even to me. But the inspirational messages and songs that repeatedly testify of The Savior have boosted me more times than I can tell you.
~~~ Tim
first off...well done!! Racking in sobriety is always better.
ReplyDeleteHere is what I have to cling to. What is the big goal?? What is the real objective?? We are trying to become godlike. We are trying to cultivate ALL the pure attributes. Honesty, trust, love, compassion, humility, temperance. If we are clearing away the 'wreckage of our past' then I think that has got to be commended. The sobriety will naturally flow out of a changed heart. I could probably willpower my may into 6 weeks of 'no acting out' but it only seems sustainable if our whole heart and soul is in it and God is CHANGING us.
anyway, that is what I try to cling to...Am I changing?? A little bit extra day. I love, love the day at a time approach. (heck, I can barely survive an hour at a time)
I definitely notice a difference in you this time around. In fact at tines I feel a bit inferior because your dailies far surpass mine. But in the end, I'm happy to see your determination and progression.:-)
ReplyDeleteI'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt! I feel that you are sincere, and you are doing new things, a mark of someone who's out of the rut. Like you sa though: One day at a time!
ReplyDeleteAmen to what warrior said!
ReplyDeleteI have been plagued with the feelings of Am I really Changing? is this time different? Well why does this have to be a time? I mean the entire point of recovery for me is to break the cycle. I have gone years in between acting out at times but it has never been full hearted. I still clung to many of the things that contributed to my addiction, like jokes, flirting, etc. I know for me things are different because those little seemingly innocent things are changing too. I love the quote by Elder Maxwell in step 3 in the ARP book it says, "this submission to the Lord is hard doctrine. It requires us to rededicate ourselves to His will at the start of each day and sometimes every hour or even from moment to moment."
ReplyDeleteAh, dang I forgot I already commented on this thread, but I still had it up on my phone and read and loved it all over again. I think, like Jana said, I need to remind myself that this isn't another time around--I'm hoping for change, a change of character. And someday I hope I have the courage to do what you're choosing to do (at least what you've bulletpointed for us).
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