Journal: In Sickness and In Health

It has been an eventful week at our house.  Our youngest came down with a nasty case of the stomach flu on Monday and when your 2 year old is sick it is inevitable that the rest of the family will end up sick.  He threw up most of the night Monday, leading to repeated changing of soiled bedsheets and very little sleep for the rest of the family.  By Wednesday evening it was my turn.  I was up repeatedly throughout the night.  I couldn't keep anything inside me.  I was tired, I was weak, I was famished from inability to process any form of food or drink. 

I got up Thursday morning and attempted to call in to work only to be told there was no one to cover me.  I finally went in only to leave less than 2 hours later because I was unable to complete simple work tasks.  So around 9 AM that morning I found myself home alone, in an extremely weakened state.  My routine was out the window, my prayer and dailies overlooked and forgotten.  I was in a very vulnerable state.  Fortunately I recognized the place I was in and immediately started sending out texts to my support brothers.  The responses flowed back in.  Prayers were offered for me and words of support were given. 

Just after Noon I had to get my toddler from daycare.  I fed him lunch and got him down for a nap and I was exhausted.  I wanted to take a nap but decided that first I needed some spiritual strength so I laid in bed and listened to a Conference talk on my Kindle.  I think I made it through about half of it before I passed out. 

I woke up a couple hours later realizing my oldest son would soon be home.  This would be a great blessing as I would no longer be alone, and he would be able to help with his younger brother.  But right around the time I was waiting for him to walk through the door to provide some relief, I got a text that he needed to stay after school.  Within minutes the 2 year old was pounding on my door announcing that he was awake.  I drug myself out of bed and stumbled downstairs.  Eventually my older boys made it home from school to help out but I was still in a fog weakened by my ongoing inability to keep food down.

This would continue throughout the evening.  My wife arrived home from work only to inform me she was leaving almost immediately to attend a Relief Society function and then going strait from there to her Recovery Group.  I ended up having to get dinner for kids, supervise homework and fight to get them to bed.  It was a long, stressful day in which relief never seemed to come.  As I knelt down that night before bed I had a realization.  I have had great success these past weeks with a routine built around my recovery.  But no matter how great a routine I have, sometimes life takes over.  Recovery can't just be a routine.  I can plan out my days with meticulous detail but sometimes sickness, stress and unforseen events can and will get in the way. 

I am so grateful for my support brothers who were there for me throughout the day.  My sponsor texted me every couple hours, sometimes just telling me what he was doing at work or sending jokes and quotes.  It was minor but vital.  It kept the pathways of communication open and helped me to know that he was there.  That I was not alone.  With each passing day I am slowly learning that the key to true success in my recovery isn't planning, routines or meticulous dailies.  It is avoiding isolation.  When you are sick, isolation comes easy.  Laying in bed and locking the door seems normal and justified.  But reaching out to others, sharing my burdens, letting them love me, pray for me and care for me.  That is where true strength is found. 

~~~ Tim