Out Of The Darkness.

I have pondered doing this for a very long time, but I never had the courage to take the plunge. My name is Tim Agla and I am an addict. I have struggled with pornography and sexual addiction since I was a very young boy. It has become the battle of my life and has taken a toll on my marriage, my finances, my family relationships and likely my relationship with many of you reading this today. I have been actively participating in the LDS Addiction Recovery Program for almost 4 years with varying levels of success, but I have never been willing to really let people in to my struggles. This has forced me to live something of a double life. On one hand, recovery and the 12 Step Program is a very important part of my day, on the other, I tried, desperately at times, to keep many of you from knowing that this was part of who I am.

I don't want to live a lie anyone, so I made the decision to share this post, and the rest of my blog on Facebook today. I want my recovery self to be the same person that interacts with each and every one of you. I don't want to stop and think about who knows and who doesn't. I don't want to hide such an important part of who I am. The reality is that pornography addiction is a serious struggle that affects many men and women, probably even some of you reading this today. So perhaps in some small way, reading my story will help someone to see and understand that they are not alone, that there are many of us who walk this road and that there is help available.

So please, take a few minutes to read my story. Any thoughts or feedback would be greatly appreciated. If you do share my struggle, please know that I am here for you. I am certainly no expert but sometimes just knowing that you are not alone can make a huge difference.

Some of you might be wondering why I am doing this, some of you probably think I am crazy. I don't know a lot of things but I do know that fear and isolation are two of the biggest obstacles that an addict struggles with. Fear of what others will think if people know their true nature, scars and all, and fear that they are the only one that could possibly be this broken. Sexual addiction is particularly difficult because of the stigma that surrounds it, especially in religious circles. That is why I titled this post, 'Out Of The Darkness'. Addicts like me, tend to spend long periods of our lives living in darkness. Living in constant fear that someone will know, that someone will find out.

I don't want to be afraid anymore. This is who I am. I am an addict, but I am also the son of a Loving Heavenly Father. That is what defines me. That is what matters most.

~~~ Tim