Helpful Analogies: The Bucket Of Water

I love analogies and I tend to learn much better that way.  Much like the parables of the New Testament, they help me understand principles in a more realistic and easy to apply way.  I have started recording them all here both to help me remember and in the hopes that they might touch someone else.  Today's analogy is called;

The Bucket Of Water

     Imagine that you have been given the unenviable task of filling up a large pail of water using just a ladle.  Scoop after scoop you slowly and laboriously fill up your pail of water.  Initially it seems like all the water does is coat the sides of the bucket.  Progress is hard to see in the moment, but you persist.  Over time you start to see the water level inside the pail rising.  This creates hope and motivates you to keep going.  Ladle after ladle the water rises higher and higher.  Then one day, while stooping down to dump your ladle of water into the bucket, you bump the bucket and some of the water sloshes over the top.  Despondency sets in.  It took so long to fill up the bucket.  Now much of your progress is ruined and the temptation is there to just kick the bucket over entirely and watch it cascade across the sand.  Eventually you realize that there is a great deal of water still inside the bucket.  Yes, some splashed out and there is less than before the accident, but the bucket is not empty.  You do not have to start over.

This concept of trying, often times again and again to get a certain desired result, be it filling a pail of water or overcoming addiction or character weaknesses was addressed by President Eyring in a devotional talk given at BYU many years ago.  His talk was titled A Law Of Increasing Returns.  He gives many wonderful thoughts and ideas but a couple quotes in particular jumped out at me.  He directly addresses this process of having to try again and again to get the things we want most in life.  Be it a quality education, a loving and eternal family relationship or overcoming a significant trial.  He explains that these things take time for a reason; 

"The simple fact is that there is a God who wants us to have faith in him. He knows that to strengthen faith we must use it. And so he gives us the chance to use it by letting some of the spiritual rewards we want most be delayed. Instead of first effort yielding returns, with a steady decline, it’s the reverse. First efforts, and even second efforts, seem to yield little. And then the rewards begin, perhaps much later, to grow and grow"

The reality is that I will never know why I was given this trial in my life.  It has seemed at times like both the greatest blessing and the greatest curse of my life.  I don't pretend to understand it, but I trust that the Lord knows what he is doing.  I trust that if I try to do what I can to face forward, and get back up when I slip and knock the bucket over, that the blessings will come.  President Eyring bears similar testimony towards the end of his message; 

"Delayed blessings will build your faith in God to work, and wait, for him. The scriptures aren’t demeaning when they command, “Wait upon the Lord.” That means both service and patience. And that will build your faith.

It may help you to watch both for the chance to smile and the blessings around you on the way. And it may help to picture both the future of the people whom you serve for God and his promise of peace in this life". 

I love how we says that we must work and wait to build faith.  I still have to do my part.  I can't sick back and just trust that eventually my struggles will be magically taken from me.  They won't be, not that way.  I still have to work on putting ladles of water into my pail.  It might not always make sense, and it might seem at times like it is taking forever, but the blessings do come.  That much I know for sure.

~~~ Tim

With God, I Can

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It has been a good couple days.  I attended a wonderful recovery meeting last night and heard some powerful testimonies of recovery from some great men.  During one man's testimony he shared a quote that I found particularly inspiring.  It comes from a talk given by Elder Neil A. Anderson of the Quorum of the 12 and was given in the April 2010 Session of General Conference.  His talk was titled "Tell Me The Stories of Jesus". 

Over the course of his talk he shares many stories of people who have clung to the Savior when dealing with trials and tragedy in their lives.  He shares one particular account of a missionary who lost his father in a tragic auto accident.  When asked what he remembered of his father, he shared 2 quotations that were among his father's favorites that he carries with him at all times.  One of those quotations was "Two men can do anything as long as one of them is the Lord."  

What a powerful testimony.  It is what makes the Atonement the greatest event that has ever taken place on this earth.  Because of the power and hope that it brings, I truly can overcome anything.  Any pain, any suffering, any illness, any addiction, any trial.  As long as the Savior is with me, I can overcome.  Not because of my own strength, but through humility and trust in Him.

~~~ Tim

My First PASG Meeting.

While attending my normal PASG group this past Thursday, one of the brothers shared that it was only his second meeting and he shared a little of the fear he had experienced the previous week while attending his first meeting.  That made me think back to my own first meeting and I have felt strongly that I should write about that experience.

I was first exposed to the LDS ARP meeting when my wife started attending the women's PASG meetings.  She would come home each week and share how wonderful it was and talk about the program.  Over time I could see the changes in her demeanor.  She was happier, lighter and I could tell that it was making a difference in her life.  She strongly encouraged me to start attending a 12 Step Meeting as well.

At that point in time I had yet to really be open or honest about my own addiction.  My wife knew that I had a history of struggles but she thought things were under control for the time being.  I wasn't yet to the point that I could be totally open about my dirty little secret.  I was too overcome with shame and fear.  I did however want to experience the ARP for myself.  So I decided to attend a general ARP meeting that was primarily focused on people that struggled with food and eating disorders.  This wasn't much of a reach for me as I have been overweight for much of my life so I figured I could go to the food meetings and keep my sexual addiction a secret while I worked the steps. 

It was a mid-day meeting and only lasted an hour but I was humbled and overwhelmed by the spirit and the honesty of the brothers and sisters that were in attendance.  I loved the meeting but I left with the understanding and prompting that I needed to start attending meetings specifically for people who struggle with sexual addiction.  I was finally able to be honest with my wife and my bishop about my problem and they both encouraged me to start attending meetings.  The idea didn't scare me at first because I had genuinely enjoyed my experience at the ARP meeting. 

As I grew closer to the day of my first meeting the fear grew stronger and stronger.  I started playing this mental game with myself of "Who is the worst person I could see at the addiction meeting?"  The worst case scenarios flooded my mind.  "My older brother, a co-worker, someone from my parents' neighborhood".  In addition to these normal fears was the fact that at the time I was the primary floor manager for a very large, local retail chain.  It was a very public and very visible job.  People regularly recognized me around town even when I wasn't working.  Even if I didn't recognize the other people at the meeting, there was a very high probability that someone would recognize me. 

Finally, that fateful Thursday night arrived.  The meeting was held at a Seminary building about 7 blocks from my house.  I jumped in my car and headed over.  When I got there, I sat in the parking lot for a few minutes.  I watched people getting out of their cars and enter the building.  In my mind I needed to make sure that none of them looked familiar.  I finally got the courage to get out of the car and walk inside.  As I walked, I rolled my ARP manual up into a tight bundle, like a newspaper.  I was so horrified that someone would see what I was carrying.

As I entered the building I was met by smiling missionaries and shown the rooms where Men's meetings were being held that night.  I ducked into a room and sat down at one of the desks with my head down.  I avoided making eye contact for much of the meeting.  As things progressed I started to feel the Spirit.  I began the recognize so much of myself in many of these brothers.  There were men from all walks of life.  Retirees, teenagers, college students and fathers.  It would have been easy to focus on what was different about each of us, but the more I listened the more I realized how much we were the same.

When it was my turn to share, I was scared.  But as I opened my mouth and started to introduce myself, I found strength that I never knew was there.  I said my name and said that I was addicted to things of a sexual nature.  I then paused and admitted that was the first time I had ever admitted that to anyone but a Bishop.  I'd never even really admitted to myself that it truly was an addiction and not just a bad habit.  As the words came out, I felt the emotion well up inside me.  Suddenly I felt an arm on my shoulder.  The brother sitting next to me had reached over and squeezed my shoulder and patted me on the back.  He looked over and smiled at me and I instantly had the realization that he understood.  He knew exactly what I was feeling and going through.  For the first time in my life I didn't feel alone.

After the meeting I immediately darted out and jumped in my car.  I enjoyed the experience but I wasn't quite ready to mix and mingle.  It was still a great night and one that I will always remember.  I have shared in the past about how I feel that one of the greatest ways to overcome addiction is through connection.  The better I am at reaching out to others, sharing my experiences and my burdens, the more I am able to have success.  I have often said that I consider the brothers in my recovery groups like the soldiers in my army.  They are the ones that I rely on.  We are all in this fight together, and we all fight the same enemy.  The greater our bonds of love and connection, the more successful I will be.  Those bonds started to form when I followed the advice of my Bishop and my wife and overcame my fears to show up at that PASG meeting.  I am very grateful that I did. 

~~~ Tim

D&C 76 and Recovery

So in Sunday School this past week, we spent a lot of time studying D&C Section 76. This is the section that reveals much of the detail we know about the 3 degrees of glory and what type of people will end up in each kingdom. I always enjoy this topic and thought there were some great comments made during the discussion. As we talked and studied in the scriptures I started to see many parallels between the lessons taught in this section and the lessons of recovery from addiction. I wanted to share some of those thoughts here.

We started off discussing the Telestial Kingdom and what types of individuals would receive that degree of glory. This is of course the Kingdom for unrepentant sinners and those who rejected the Gospel of Jesus Christ either on the earth, in the spirit world, or both. Some of the people who fall in this category are described in D&C 76:103;

103 These are they who are liars, and sorcerers, and adulterers, and whoremongers, and whosoever loves and makes a lie.

As I read that verse I couldn't help but think that this is what it is like to be active in sexual addiction. This perfectly describes an addict that has not yet found recovery or is not making any effort to work recovery.

Next we discussed the Terrestrial Kingdom and the individuals that will end up there. As we discussed one brother raised his hand and said that the best way for him to understand the difference between the Telestial and Terrestrial glories is that those who will end up in the Telestial Kingdom are those who actively participated and did not repent from their sins of commission. As the verse states above, "liars, adulterers, whoremongers" or for our purposes, living in active addiction. He then went on to explain that the Terrestrial Kingdom would be populated with people that struggle with sins of omission. Which is to say, people who had testimonies, who tried to repent of their sins and stop doing bad things, but those who weren't willing to put forth the effort to do all of the good things required to achieve Celestial glory. This is described in D&C 76:75;

75 These are they who are honorable men of the earth, who were blinded by the craftiness of men.

Then we get additional detail in verse 79;

79 These are they who are not valiant in the testimony of Jesus; wherefore, they obtain not the crown over the kingdom of our God.

So we read here that these are good people. Honorable men they are described, but they weren't valiant in their testimony of the Savior. They didn't fully use and understand the Atonement and as a result they were blinded by men and didn't receive their full glory. To me this describes perfectly someone who is going through the motions of recovery. Maybe attending meetings, but never cracking the 12 Step Manual in between meetings. Doing their best to abstain from their addiction but without ever truly surrendering it to the Savior and having Faith in Him who saves. In the dictionary, valiant is defined as;

adjective

1. boldly courageous; brave; stout-hearted: a valiant soldier.

2. marked by or showing bravery or valor; heroic: to make a valiant effort.

3. worthy; excellent.

It made me ask myself. Are my recovery efforts bold? Courageous? Am I stout-hearted when faced with temptation? Am I worthy? Because that is what it means to be valiant in my testimony of the Savior. To be valiant in recovery from addiction.

Lastly we discussed those who will receive the eternal glory that can only be found in the Celestial Kingdom. It was here that much was learned and more importantly that there was much to be hopeful about. We read again in D&C 76 about those who will receive this highest level of glory;

51 They are they who received the testimony of Jesus, and believed on his name and were baptized after the manner of his burial, being buried in the water in his name, and this according to the commandment which he has given—

52 That by keeping the commandments they might be washed and cleansed from all their sins, and receive the Holy Spirit by the laying on of the hands of him who is ordained and sealed unto this power;

53 And who overcome by faith, and are sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, which the Father sheds forth upon all those who are just and true.

60 And they shall overcome all things.

I added emphasis to the portions that I found particularly encouraging and hopeful. These are people who were sinners! But they were washed and cleansed of their sins. How? Well they overcame by faith in Jesus Christ! And through this faith in The Savior, they overcame all things! All things, not some things, not most things, not everything but this dirty little habit I have battled for most of my life. ALL THINGS.

Finally in verse 61 we learn how this can all be possible;

61 Wherefore, let no man glory in man, but rather let him glory in God, who shall subdue all enemies under his feet.

This is the instruction that has been given to me. To all of us. Let God trample these enemies, these weaknesses, these addictions that I can never overcome on my own. It means surrender, faith and a whole heck of a lot of work. Because to receive this blessing and this help from God, I must be valiant in my recovery. It means not just avoiding the bad things, but filling my time and my days with a lot more good things.

At the end of the day, the lesson I have learned is that true recovery is really no different than truly living the gospel. I can live in my addiction and suffer the consequences. I can sort of work on recovery, abstain from the worst things and have a measure of glory and success, or I can give it my all, trusting that the Lord will do the rest and receive all the glory, or a true recovery from my struggles. The path is clear, I just have to have the faith to walk it.

~~~ Tim

The Light of Christ

I've been studying a lot lately about light.  I blogged about it awhile back but I just keep running into references and it has become a fascinating concept for me.  I discovered the other day that as part of their Mormon Messages feature, the LDS Church has released a 3 part short video series featuring Elder David A. Bednar talking about the light of Christ and the blessing it can be in our lives. 

I was watching the first video and reading the associated scriptures and he shares a scripture that really struck me;

 D&C 50:24 That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day.

This is such a simple, yet powerful concept.  The more I live in the light, the more light I receive and the brighter and brighter the light of Christ within me becomes.  Every time I read the scriptures, pray, serve my family of fellow man.  Every single time I attend Church, go to a 12 step meeting.  I am nourishing that light.

Conversely, every time I entertain a lustful thought, objectify a daughter of God, lie, manipulate, or any other behavior that addiction has taught me, I lose a portion of that light.    So it really becomes almost a battle within me.  How much am I doing to increase my light today.  Did the things I did to improve myself, outweigh the negative behaviors?  Was I moving forward and living more in the light?

The wonderful part of this concept is the knowledge that it does get easier.  Just as the scripture says.  "that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day".  Addiction can be overcome.  Poor decisions, unhealthy behaviors, dishonesty and all of it.  It can be overcome.  Day by day, good decision by good decision.  The more I allow the light into my life the easier it will be to make good choices.

I think this is why 12 Step programs have such a strong emphasis on dailies.  Because I have to be increasing my light every single day.  Because if I don't,  I know for a fact that Satan is doing everything in his power to diminish that light and fill my life with darkness.

Here is the video.  It's #1 in a 3 part series and there are links to the other 3 at the end.  It's definitely worth checking out.

Reclaimed

So it has been a whirlwind day.  My wife and older boys headed off to Montana early this morning to drop the oldest 2 boys off for some quality time with Grandma and Grandpa for a few weeks.  Sidreis will be home later tonight but for the majority of the day it is just me and the little guy.  On top of that I sprained my knee pretty severely last night at work so I'm having a hard time moving around.  So we've spent the better part of the day trying to find him movies on Netflix while I browse blogs on my laptop.

We had Stake Conference today but with my knee hurting and the focus on getting the family out the door for Montana, I didn't make it over.  So I decided to spend some time watching the short videos on Mormon Messages to try and replenish some of the spirituality I missed out on.  They are all good and worth watching but one in particular touched my heart today and I wanted to share it here.

It was called Reclaimed, and it focuses on the reclamation of a landfill near the Idaho Falls Temple that through hard work and effort became an airport and beautiful park.  It is based upon a talk by Shayne M. Bowen given at October Conference in 2006.  His talk was titled; "The Atonement Can Clean, Reclaim, and Sanctify Our Lives"

The entire video is amazing so I don't need to add to much but one particular line really jumped out at me.  He shares a quote from Elder Packer given in 1995 that is also included in the Step 2 section of the LDS ARP Manual; 

“There is no habit, no addiction, no rebellion, no transgression, no apostasy, no crime exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness. That is the promise of the atonement of Christ”