Surrendering My Fears

Over the past 7 weeks I have been inundated with fears about the future and the present.  It has been emotional and painful at times trying to process them and work through them.  A friend shared with me recently that "sunlight is the great sanitizer."  I first have to recognize that fear takes me to a dark place because it comes from a dark place.  It comes from the enemy of my soul.

President Gordon B. Hinckley once said;

Let us recognize that fear comes not of God, but rather that this gnawing,
destructive element comes from the adversary of truth and righteousness.
Fear is the antithesis of faith. It is corrosive in its effects, even
deadly.

When instead of entertaining them, I give up my fears to God and to others they lose a lot of their power and impact.  So I decided to make a list of all the fears I have experienced lately.  Some of these I have already processed and I am no longer actively struggling with them but I still think it is beneficial to bring them to light so they lose even more of the power they once held over me.  Others are very real and still cause me pain today.

• That I have spent the last holiday season I will ever spend with my family.
• That I will never get to watch my boys open their presents again on Christmas morning
• That my boys will never recover from hearing that their parents marriage is failing and could fail entirely
• That my boys will blame me for what is going on and it will affect their relationship and love for me
• That my family and friends will blame me and people will no longer want to associate with me
• That I will be excommunicated from the Church
• That I have to be perfect from here on out to have any chance of things working out
• That I really am too broken after years of trying to change
• That I have no friends
• That no one loves me
• That I don't matter to anyone
• That I don't belong to anyone
• That religious leaders will side with my wife when trying to give us counsel
• That because we live in a small town, word will spread of what is going on and impact my job and my work with the community
• That the money, time and energy we spent on separating rooms will make my wife feel obligated to stay separated even if things start to get better
• That I might go crazy
• That people will notice that my wife is no longer "married" to me on Facebook
• That my wife could never possibly love me again
• That I will never get to hold her hand again
• That I will never get to hug her again
• That I will never get to run my fingers through her hair again
• That she doesn't care at all what I am feeling or thinking

I could go on and on and on but these ones are the ones that have caused me the most pain and distress.  I am grateful that many of them no longer hold any power over me.  I recognize that I need to process those that still cause me distress.  I cannot achieve the peace and serenity of my Savior when I am living in fear.  I have to look forward with faith.   I no longer want to wallow in fear.  I surrender my fears unto God and choose to trust him.  I know there will hard days and more fears that will come but I also know that if I continue to surrender them to Him that they will lose their power over me.


I gain much comfort from 2nd Nephi Chapter 31, verse 20;

Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.

Hope and faith dispel all fears one by one until they are replaced by pure faith in Christ.  I long for the day that I can be free of my fears but for now I will continue to surrender them to my Heavenly Father and do my best to have hope.