Tenuous Bonds

One of the most difficult aspects of recovery is recognizing how tenuous my bonds and relationships are with others, including with God. I can have a string of wonderful days when I feel close to God and close to those around me and then it can all vanish with one simple misunderstanding. I am striving to learn from these pit stops rather than let them derail me. One of the most powerful lessons I learned on my LDS mission was that I have a tendency to make mountains out of molehills. Life isn't perfect and I am not perfect either. Misunderstandings, frustrations, even arguments are part of life. I can either choose to learn from them and grow, or let them own my serenity and lead to slips and relapses.

I find much hope from a passage in the SA White Book which explains the difficult road that true recovery can be. After outlining the 12 Steps and the rigorous honesty and accountability that the program asks, the following passage explains the difficulties that one can encounter along the way;

"Many of us exclaimed, 'What an order! I can't go through with it.' No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection."

Recovery is a journey, not a destination.  I will have wonderful days and hard ones.  I will have days when I am connected to God and others the entire day and I will have days that I have to fight to break out of isolation.  And both scenarios are normal and okay.  I can't let every little pitfall fill me with despair and fear.  The only true path to growth is to work a step 10 at the end of the day and ask myself honestly how my day went.  

• What did I do well?  
• How was my relationship with God today?
• Did I do the things I need to do to develop that relationship today?  (Dailies) 
• How connected was I with my support system and my family today?
• Did I get outside myself and serve others today? 
• What struggles did I have today?  
• What can I learn from them?  
• Do I have any amends to make or any apologies to offer?  

If I can honestly ask myself these questions each day, or at least most days, then I will make progress.  Some days it may be hard to see but it will happen.   Bonds are rebuilt over time.  Experience by experience, hour by hour and day by day.  Each day that I strive to honestly work recovery and learn from my mistakes the relationships in my life and with my Heavenly Father will be strengthened.  I truly believe that.  I just have to trust the process and be patient.  That is why recovery only works one day at a time.