Tender Mercies: My 4 Year Old Angel

I have received many tender mercies in the last few weeks as I have tried to turn my life over to the Lord and trust Him to get me through this difficult time.  I know that there are many people praying for me and my family.  I know that those prayers sustain me and have helped me face forward and continue to fight.  But probably the most humbling and hopeful thing that I have experienced is the softening of my 4 year old son.  He is my youngest and for much of his life I was working 2 jobs, finishing my degree and just gone a great deal.  We have never been super close.  We have a good relationship but not a strong bond.  He has always been a Mama's boy.  When he is hurt or sad or just wants to be close to someone, he has always preferred his Mom. 

Over the past 3-4 weeks I have started to see that slowly change.  He has really started to connect to me on a level that I have never experienced before.  The other day I was really having a hard time and he came into the room I used to share with my wife where I was sitting on the bed.  I asked him if I could have a hug and he walked over and enfolded himself into my arms.  I held on tight for quite a while and he just nestled into me.  It was exactly what I needed in that moment.  In addition, almost every day when I am getting ready for work and making lunches for myself and my older boys, he will come in and ask me if it is my day off because he wants me to stay home with him.  It really makes my day each day to see his desire to be close to me and spend time with me.

But the most powerful moment is the picture you see above.  This was a couple nights ago.  I am really struggling to sleep in a room by myself.  After 16 years sleeping next to my wife it is very lonely and isolating to lay in a dark room by myself.  I have not gotten much sleep of late.  So the other night I was laying in bed tossing and turning when around midnight my room was flooded with light as the door opened suddenly.  There stood my sweet Aaron.  He asked if he could hang out with me for a little bit.  He proceeded to climb up on my bed and snuggle in next to me.  I put a movie on Netflix and we just laid together.  He ended up falling asleep nestled into me.  He tossed and turned a lot and I really didn't end up getting much sleep but it was worth it to feel close to my son.  To feel like the walls and barriers that existed between us are coming down.

One of my sponsors has shared with me often that the one of greatest blessings of his recovery was the way that it changed his relationships with his 2 youngest daughters.  How he is more patient and loving and kind.  How they have recognized the changes in his behavior and it has created a closeness between them that wasn't there before.  I am grateful to start seeing these blessings in my own life.  I know the Lord is softening the heart of my sweet son and as I turn to Him and make changes in my life, my son is seeing that and has a greater desire to be close to me. 

I know this is a tender mercy from the Lord at a time when I am struggling to feel connected and loved and for that I am extremely grateful.