Different.... But The Same

One of the biggest hurdles I have always dealt with in life is focusing on things that are different and negative rather than focusing on things that are positive.  When it comes to both myself and my fellow man, I have always been a glass half empty type guy.  This has made it very difficult to have close relationships and to form the type of friendships that are essential and beneficial in life.  While struggling with addiction for most of my life, I would actively seek flaws in others to somehow make myself feel better about my own dark little secret.

As I reflect with a level of honesty I can see how many ways this has affected my life.

1.  I have never been close with most of my siblings.  I spent my entire life categorizing each one to make myself feel better.  So and so is the favored one, so and so is the princess, and so and so has made WAY bigger mistakes than me.  I even categorized myself as "the black sheep" a badge I wore with pride for many years.  It prevented me from turning to them in times of need and created many strained relationships.

2.  Always excluding myself from friendships within my ward because "I wasn't like them".  When we were newlyweds we lived in a small duplex on the fringe of a neighborhood that was upper middle class.  The majority of our ward was comfortable if not well off financially and we were just starting out.  We would move the same two chairs between the dining room and living room depending on if we were watching television or eating meals.  Instead of embracing my neighbors and ward members, I isolated myself because all I could see was what made me different.  Now over a decade later we have since relocated to a ward with many young couples and we are on the older side for our area so once again I have excluded myself because "I'm not like these kids".  They are just starting out and I again convinced myself that I don't fit in and that I don't belong.

3.   Finally the impact of my addiction on the way I viewed myself.  I was most certainly different.  No one who had ever walked the earth had ever possibly felt the way that I felt, endured the shame and guilt that I endured, I was the worst,  I had no value and no one could possibly relate to what I was going through.

I bought into these differences for MANY years and I confess it is still something I struggle with today.  I am doing better in that at least I recognize this weakness in myself.  This desire to isolate and find flaws in those around me.  But I had a pretty amazing experience the other night that went a long way towards opening my eyes.

I have been attending a PASG group for over 3 years now.  It has become my comfort zone.  Though the attendees ebb and flow over the weeks and month there is always a level of familiarity.  There are always friendly faces and people like me that I can relate to and understand.  But despite the bonds and friendships I have formed there I was still struggling to grasp lasting recovery, so I made a pledge awhile back to attend more meetings.  Specifically I set a goal to attend at least 2 meetings a week.  I have great respect for those that attempt the 90 in 90 plan but for me just doubling my weekly attendance seemed like a good starting point.  So after reviewing my schedule and planning with my wife I decided to attend a meeting a few nights ago.  It was a general ARP meeting for addicts from all walks of life.

I walked in the door and despite friendly greetings from smiling missionaries like I am used to seeing at my regular meeting there wasn't much that felt normal or comfortable.  I arrived a few minutes early to find that I was the only one there.  One of the missionaries joked that people tended to straggle in late and not to worry.  So I fidgeted and waited.  Gradually people started to trickle in and I had a sinking feeling.  These people were NOTHING like me.  It felt so much different than my normal group.  I immediately started to focus on what was different about them.  Fortunately I stuck it out until the meeting began and suddenly everything started to make sense again.  Even though many of these sweet brothers and sisters struggled with addictions that I didn't understand; alcoholics, drug users and others, I found that the spirit of the meeting ended up being exactly what I was used to.  I found humility, love, and desire for peace.  I was particularly impressed and touched by one young man who was attending his first meeting after serving a 6 month jail sentence related to his addiction.  He was humble and grateful simply to be in the room with us and he bore powerful testimony of the lessons he had learned and growth he had experienced in jail.

These truly were my brothers and sisters.  Their struggles might look different than mine but I suddenly started to grasp what made us the same, what makes ALL OF US the same.  We all need our Savior.  No matter what problems we face, what struggles we encounter in life, be it addiction, co-dependency, depression or all of the above, the only way to move forward is through HIM.  King Benjamin said it best in the 4th chapter of Mosiah;

 19 For behold, are we not all ^abeggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind?

 20 And behold, even at this time, ye have been calling on his name, and begging for a ^aremission of your sins. And has he suffered that ye have begged in vain? Nay; he has poured out his ^bSpirit upon you, and has caused that your hearts should be filled with ^cjoy, and has caused that your mouths should be stopped that ye could not find utterance, so exceedingly great was your joy.

We are all children of a a loving Father in Heaven and a big brother that gave everything he had for us.  No matter what trials we have in life, no matter how many things we have that might make us different, one thing will always unite us.  It is through Him that we are made whole again, that we find hope and peace to carry on with our trials.

I am still far from perfect and I still struggle at times to label and find fault with others.  But I am trying to remind myself daily that each person I encounter is a child of God who has just as much need of a Savior as I do.  We are all beggars before God, just as King Benjamin preached but we are all of great value, even if we haven't managed to find it within ourselves.

~~~ I Was Lost