So I am currently sitting in my parents basement as I type this. My worst fears have been realized. Tired of my lies and lack of progress, my wife asked me to leave today. I hope and pray that this is temporary but all I have right now is today and today is tough.
I did attend a wonderful 12 step meeting tonight where I was able to share and cry and be open with wonderful brothers that didn't judge me and gathered after the meeting to offer hugs, handshakes and advice. The lesson I have learned, and this is exactly what I shared tonight. I don't need people to feel sorry for me, I can't manipulate them into thinking that I am somehow a victim, that this wasn't my fault. This WAS MY FAULT. I understand that. I accept it, I own it. You cannot build a relationship, a stable recovery or a life on a foundation of lies. Honesty is step 1 for a reason.
So I sit here raw, wounded, broken. But with a small sliver of hope. Because I felt the Spirit tonight. I know The Lord is in those rooms. I know he is there for me. I just have to let him in.
So I head to bed to study and pray and control what I can control. I am going to make sure that I go to bed humble and filled with the word of God.
Lost
Hey, Lost! Welcome to the blog ring. I'm happy you are here! You can find a wealth of helpful information here, as well as people sympathetic to your quest for true recovery from lust. I recommend that you read the Rowboat and Marbles blog top to bottom first. That was the one that got me started. I'm 88 days lust free now, and have confidence that I can keep it that way. Again welcome!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment. I've been looking at some of the other LDS bloggers and there is definitely some good stuff out there.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you, brother. I hope that you find that as you document your slips and your successes, that you will see progress! One of my favorite things about having a blog is going back and reading where I was, and how I've grown over the years.
ReplyDeleteYou may not always be honest with others around you, but at least you're being honest here (as far as I can tell), and that's a start, and that's huge.
Separation is such an anxious time. Keep hoping; hope is the life saver that keeps you afloat in the sea of tribulation. At least it is for me. :) Hope never hurt a thing.